


Hell's Kitchen: Invasion Edition

by WriterVivi



Category: Aliens - Fandom, Gordon Ramsay - Fandom, Space - Fandom, chris - Fandom
Genre: NASA, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 03:32:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18438155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterVivi/pseuds/WriterVivi
Summary: Based on a writing prompt: "Aliens have taken over Earth and have eaten a few humans (mainly politicians and celebrities) as a delicacy. An alien chef decides to cook Gordon Ramsay, who is disgusted by how he’s being cooked."*I do not recall the source of this prompt.





	Hell's Kitchen: Invasion Edition

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote this story based on a writing prompt a friend gave me in year 9 (I think I was about 13 or 14 ish?). I remember people found it pretty funny, but I've never been able to do anything with my story so I thought I would post it here. It's very cringe-worthy, reading over it now, and maybe I used too many swearwords but whatever, enjoy!

Gordon Ramsay was placed on the giant chopping board, hands and feet tied down. The alien chef, Chris, held his butcher knife nervously.  
Suddenly, Gordon Ramsay couldn’t take it any longer. He’d already seen the pot of boiling water and the horrendously chopped carrots. His face turned as red as the tomatoes that awaited the salad starter.  
“I can’t fucking take this anymore!” He shrieked.   
Chris, confused, lowered the knife to his side.  
“What now?” Chris asked.  
“What in the shit is that?!” Gordon screamed as he untied his hands and feet. He pointed accusingly at the pot of boiling water, the horrendously chopped carrots and then at Chris.   
“And you call yourself a fucking CHEF?!” He jabbed his finger at the alien’s chest.  
“Don’t you fucking know how horrible humans are when boiled? Don’t you know how much better we are when oven-cooked or fried? Are you that much of a fucking twat?!”   
Chris shied back and inquired “What’s that?””  
“YOU, that’s what it bloody is!”   
“Also- and I cannot fucking believe this- carrots?! And you’ve even burnt them! I can’t even trust you to cook carrots, let alone me, you peasant!” Gordon hissed, pausing for breath as he whacked the palm of his hand into his sangria-coloured forehead.   
Chris began to chop the onions to distract himself as he sobbed silently.   
“You aliens, you really surprise me, you surprise me by how, you travelled lightyears to reach humans, but you cannot even cut onions fucking right! A baby could do it better- Fuck it, Tiny-hands Trump could’ve done it better- “ Gordon inspected the political leaders’ cooked remains.  
“- They’re all fucking redder than a baboon’s arsehole, and don’t get me started on how little spices you’ve used, you bland bastard!”   
Chris wept as he fetched more spices.  
“Oh, I’ll get you more spices. I’ll ram them down your tiny, pathetic throat, you green little cunt.”  
“I- I’m the best chef on my p- planet,” Chris wailed, “I don’t need to answer to a…a food!” He howled.  
“Oi, are you listening to me, panini head? You’re like the weirdo on Jeremy Kyle, you fucking donkey.”   
Chris collapsed to the floor, weeping hopelessly.   
“Fuck off! Congratulations on the worst cooking skills I have ever seen, you pathetic imbecile, you disappointment!” Gordon hissed to Chris one more time. The other aliens stood, shocked and ashamed, and let Gordon Ramsay storm away. He was never seen again and, rumour has it, he had become so enraged that he died.


End file.
